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Those of you who have teens can tell them clean horse snout dad jokes. There are also horse puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills! Are they short on electricians? The horse disappears. In a stable environment. Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.
The bartender asks, "Why the long face? A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, you're in here a lot, are you an alcoholic? The horse ponders for a minute and responds, I don't think I am , and poof he disappears. This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, I think, therefore I am.
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse. The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from Sex in the City. Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic? See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.
To help him, he hired a Native American scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come. He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come? He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?
Oh, sorry it was a woman. Let me start over. A horse walks into a woman. Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that? The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that? A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman "5 whiskeys please!
The barman looks at the horse and says "That's quite a stomach you've got, are you an alcoholic? Suddenly the horse poofs out of existence. See the joke is a reference to Descartes the philosopher who coined the phrase "I think.
Therefore I am. The bartender says, "why the long face? A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Why the floppy head?! We're the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse. The bartender says, "Why the long face? Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.
It's like beating a dead horse and i don't want to give him anymore video ideas. To the horse-pital. Just kidding, they get shot. The bartender asks "Can I get you anything? If you don't get it, it's important to first understand that the French philosopher Descartes famously said, "I think, therefore I am. I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse. Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am.
But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse! A blond is riding a horse, it starts galloping faster and faster. She feels herself beginning to lose her grip and start to slid down the the saddle. She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it.
A horse walks into a barn The Barntender says, "Hay, the usual? On some cows, the horns come in later. Sometimes, the horns are removed. And on some cows, the horns fall off. That particular cow doesn't have horns because it's a horse. The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief. He tied up his horse and entered a saloon When he exited the saloon, he found his horse missing The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, when I'm done, my horse better be returned.
If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas. As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked, "Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas? The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins. The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week.
All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are. The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to bits. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby. The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck".
I don't think I am. This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am. But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse. There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of , whose lucky number was five.
On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race scheduled for five o'clock a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win.
Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth. Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys ass and the horses blond mane.
I did my best and the guy became president of the USA". Immediately the donkey started crying. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? His child drew a horse. The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly.
A pipe. A box of fuses. The others stare, shocked and bewildered. A jockey. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind. The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down. A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke. That's the one! Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars".
A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. The horse's owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise the Lord! Bill was enjoying his ride so much that he almost didn't notice the cliff he and horse were about to go over. Bill shouted "AMEN! Relieved, Bill said, "Phew, Praise the Lord! John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic.
His neighbor Tolya asks him what he saw there. Anything else? The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic? The horse says I don't think I am.. See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
Where you left him. Told to me today by a first grader. And orders a beer. The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says: - You see, we don't really have many horses coming in here. To which the horse replies: - With prices like these, I'm not surprised. I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep Bartender: What'll it be? Bartender: You got a cough?
A cowboy walks into a bar a wips out his gun and said: "who stole my horse!? Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the horse slow race horse jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive.
They were always faster than the other horses; as a matter of fact, they were the best racehorses in the country. As good as Two racehorses and a dog are in the stable on the night before the big race. An old Justin Wilson joke An old, crotchety farmer woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. The man clutched his chest and fumbled for the telephone to call an ambulance, fearing that he was having a heart attack.
Upon arriving at the hospital, the man, stable but still in quite a bit of pain, was greeted What do you call a racehorse who's too old to race? Fast paste. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out! One-one won one race One-one won one race, and One-two won one too.
What's similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet? They're both off and running. There are 3 racehorses sitting in a bar Called James, Jimmy and Johnny. James turns to Jimmy and says, "Say, last week I was in a big race and I was losing by miles! But then suddenly, I had a massive pain in my ass and it shot through my whole body and through my mouth and woah!
I was in front and I won! What does Michael Jackson have in common with a second place racehorse? They both came in a little behind. Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem! Every morning I get up at and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour cause my pee barely trickles out.
Three racehorses are in the stable after race day The first horse says to the other two "You know something funny, today I was wearing number three in my race and I came third" The second horse raises his eyebrows? I was wearing number two today and, would you believe it, I came second in my race". Kentucky Derby joke Two racehorses are in a bar getting drunk. The first one says: "In starts, I got 85 firsts, 10 seconds and 5 thirds.
The bartender, a grey The owner of a racehorse is angry The owner of a racehorse is angry because the horse he paid so much money for has yet to win a race. A racehorse once smoked some weed just before the race was about to start.
Once it started, the jockey couldn't control it as it veered off track. So the crowd started calling him arrogant as he couldn't get off his high horse.. A donkey is having a drink in a pub when he spots a horse at the bar so goes over for a chat. Horse race A man has a racehorse who never won a race.
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